Hate is a strong word. But so is love. I want to be clear that when I say I hate these movies, I don’t mean that I’m completely against them. Love is beautiful, after all. It’s universal. Something most people want and everyone can understand.

But let me be clear. Even though I read romance novels and write romance novels, I am, at heart, a realistic romantic. Don’t bother Googling the term, I just made it up. What exactly is a realistic romantic, you might ask? Someone who can appreciate romance while at the same time not believing in soul mates and love at first sight and fate. I very strongly do not believe in any of those things. That means that as much as I love romance, I also find myself giving romance novels and romance movies the side-eye a lot of the time for perpetuating those beliefs. Many of the movies on this list are especially egregious when it comes to soul mates and love at first sight and fate. If you believe in that stuff, fine. But you might not like my list.

Here we have some romantic movies that are popular but I loathe.

The Notebook

How much do I hate this movie? Let me count the ways.

First, it has a framing device and a voice over, two things I really don’t like in movies.

Second, Noah is a DICK. That’s right, I said it. He blackmails Allie into going on a date with him. Um, hey, psycho, how about you just approach the woman you like, talk and flirt with her, then ask her out like a normal person? Then there’s all the wearying fighting they do after they start dating.

Third, Allie sucks. I’m not letting her off the hook easily either. She sleeps with Noah while having a fiance! I know a lot of people love that sex scene where they’re fighting in the rain and then they kiss and they’re all wet and go inside and tear each other’s clothes off. I, however, hate that scene because Allie’s big, fat, honking engagement ring is on full display during it and I keep looking at it and thinking, you are an engaged woman. You’re engaged. At least break it off with the guy before sexing up your ex.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I haven’t seen this movie in years so my memory is a bit hazy but I remember not being at all impressed with this one. I like Joel, Jim Carey’s character. But I remember not liking Clementine, Kate Winslet’s character, AT ALL. She was annoying and jerked Joel around and I could not root for them to be together, no matter how much Joel loved her.

Like Water for Chocolate

I had to watch this one in school, I think for Spanish class, and it did not impress me. There was way too much torment of the main characters. Tita not only had to watch her sister marry the man she loved, but she had to live in the same house as the couple! And then, at the end, after her sister dies, when they’re finally able to be together, Tita dies! Such bullshit. That is not romance. At least not in my book.

The Big Sick

I really didn’t like this. I really wanted to, but I didn’t.

And part of the reason is because for most of the movie, the female half of the couple is in a coma! The best part of a romance is watching a couple become attracted to each other and connect and fall in love. But the movie rushes through that in the first fifteen minutes, then they fight and break up, then she gets sick, then the hero gets to know her parents and realizes he wants to try again with her, then she wakes up, they have another break up conversation, then then reconcile at his comedy show. So dumb. I didn’t buy them as a couple at all.

A Walk to Remember

Mandy Moore’s weird whisper voice drove me crazy throughout this whole movie. And I hate, hate, hated that she died at the end. That’s not romantic. What’s romantic to me is when a couple lives happily ever after for a long time.

When Harry Met Sally

Harry is a total douche canoe. That is all.

Sleepless in Seattle

The thing about this move is that I got caught up in the magic of it when I was younger and thought it was great. But then as I got older, I realized how weird it is that these two people fall in love without even meeting first. As a realistic romantic, I cannot accept that.

Sweet Home Alabama

I loved this movie when it first came out. Reese Witherspoon’s look this whole movie is amazing: her hair, her outfits, her makeup. I even went out and bought the lipgloss the makeup artist used on her, that’s how obsessed with this movie I was. Alas, as I grew older, I realized how horrible Melanie treats her ex…and they’re the ones we’re supposed to be rooting for! Newflash, writers: you want both your hero and your heroine to be likable characters if you want the audience to root for them to be together.

The Spectacular Now

Sutter is a complete dick to Aimee. Are we noticing a trend here? Men treating women like crap is NOT ROMANTIC.

So there you have it, all the romantic movies I can’t stand. There are many more out there. Maybe I’ll do a part two eventually.